Upon being spotted by a University Professor whom you owe 5,000 words and have cunningly avoided for 8 months

At times like these we are often tempted to call on a limp, cough or cradle our stomach in mock agony, all these techniques are valid in gaining an extension for up to seven days, but unfortunately are a far cry from justifying eight months of living on the lamb. In these circumstances, the first thing you need to do is assemble all of the excuses you may have used on said professor in the past, or professors within a one mile radius of your executioner, remember these tweed types constantly congregate with one another around water coolers with the sole purpose of destroying righteous students like yourself, so your tie off your excuses quickly. If you find you haven't used the time honoured "nursing my dying grandmother, who lives in a small Italian town with no electricity and commutes to the hospital by donkey everyday, back to health," then it is advised to call on this trump card immediately.

However, in the event that you are without pardon and sure to find yourself in front of the dean, again, then it is advised to either A) start a fight with the nearest passerby to perplex the bounty-hunting academic into believing you are certifiable and thus not worth the trouble, or B) run and don't stop running until you turn 27 and are living safely in an European village which is titled by letters unpronounceable by the English tongue.