dear diary...

Waking up this morning, I decided I had two avenues I could persue with the sun shining high in the newly born sky:

A) Spend the day crying and starring aimlessly at the mocking friends list in Myspace, or...

B) Take a charter flight out of DC 10 into London, land in Heathrow, take a cab at the city center, dont let people lie to you, hostiles are for the ugly. Stay at home house, the most beautiful hotel in the world. Call a friend fro school who was selling hash but she wasnt in, meet a couple of Brits who would take me to of all places Camden street.

Flirt a bit at the virgin mega-store, buy some CDs , then follow some girls with pink hair. Wander around trying to get laid until it started to rain then went back to home house. Ministry of sound is dead so maybe I go to Remform, but its gay night, I find the one hedero girl in the place and we dry hump on the dance floor, we cavite back to home house, I strip her clothes off, suck her toes, and we fuck. Hang out for four or five days. Meet the worlds biggest DJ Paul Arkenfold, write my mom a post card I'll never sent. Buy some speed from an Italian junky who is trying to sell me a stolen bike. Smoked a lot of hash that had too much tobacco in it. See the Tate, see big ben, eat a lot of weird English food.

It rains a lot, it is expensive, and im joansing so I split for Amsterdam. The Dutch all know English so I dont have to speak any Dutch wish was a relief. I cruise the red light district. Visit a sex show, visit a sex museum, smoke a lot of hash. I meet a Dutch TV actress and we drink Absinthe at a bar called Absinthe. The museums were cool I guess, lots of Vangohs, and the Vermieres were intense. Wander around, bought a lot of pastries, eat some intense waffles. We buy some coke, and I cruise the red light district until I find some blonde with big tits who reminds me of Laura, I gave her a hundred guilders, in the end she pulls me out, and I cum between her tits even though im wearing a rubber. afterward we make small talk about aids, her marocain pimp, and herself. I wake to the sound on a wino singing, its 8 am and hot as blazes.

I pretend to ice skate around Central-Station while someone plays the sax, trade songs with a kiwi girl that had split for Paris by train. No wonder the Chanzelize climbed the eiffel tower for only 7 franks because the ticket machine was broken. Get the hang of the metro, take it everywhere, go to a for model party and hooked up with a Romanian model named corrinna, she chugs my cock at the Marriot Chanzelize wish is good, we played billiards, went shopping; I think she gives me mono, drive a Ferrari wish belonged to a member of the Saadi royal family, make out with a Dutch model in front of the louvre, see the arc de triomphe and almost became road kill crossing the street.

Some girl from Canada calls me on my cell so I let her listen to the church bells in Cracticus. Captain cruise is beautiful but there are no girls there, just old hippies, so I go to Switzerland where I ironically couldnt find anyone who had the time, took the glacier express up to Shiltzenor which is beautiful in a way I cant describe, we ride past into Italy and ended up in Venice where I met a hot girl who looks like Rachel lee cook and speaks better English then I do. Shes living for a year on only five dollars a day , we gondola around, buy some masks, she thinks im a capitalist because my hotel room costs more then her entire trip, but she dosnt mind it when I pay the bills, I ditch her and hook up with a couple of Lochs who want a threesome, too much tension there but the duffus offers to drive me to Rome an offer I jump at, traffic is bad and were stopped for hours without moving, the wife turns out to be a freak, the guy starts to wig out on me , its like a Pilandski film.

We stop for a while in Florence where I see some big dome, a bomb goes off and I lose the weird couple wish is probably for the best. Ended up in Rome wish is big an hot and dirty. Its was just like LA but with ruins. I went to the Vatican wish is ridiculously opulent, stood for 2 hours to get into the Sistine chapel wish now that its been cleaned looks like its fake. I meet 2 underage Italian girls who I try to talk into fucking each other while I jack off onto them . Bored I buy them ice-cream instead, My hotel is a gym so I work out. I bump into some guy from Camden who swears that he knows me but im sure hes a fag so I lose him. I try to fart and instead shit my pants. Back in my hotel room I masturbate and have a pain in my groin. That night I dream about a beautiful girl half in water stretching her lean body. She asks me if I like it and I told her she can clean fish with it. I dont know what it means but I wake well rested, masturbate in the shower and check out. I make my way back to London and hang out in Piccadilly Circus. I swap shirts with some upper crusty Cambridge chick. Hers was a ninespy mine was a cost from national, she acts stuffy and prudish but is really wild underneath it all. She barely looks at my abs though she wants too. The next day I drop some acid and get lost in the subway for a full day and cant find my way out. I meet a cute girl who lets me jack off onto her as long as no cum gets onto her false smitten coat. We get stoned while listening to Michael Jackson records, and the next morning I wake up talking to myself. I have a big bump on my head from flailing in my sleep. I get my stuff and barely make my flight back to View Bank.

...Unfortunately, I chose option A.